USA Today just featured an article speculating that the University of Nebraska could possibly fire Scott Frost and pay off his hefty salary to the tune of $26 million. Which got me to thinking about the plausibility of this happening. I decided that the following are more likely to occur:
* Jason Peter is named spokesperson for the Nebraska Nice campaign.
* Mike Riley, Bill Callahan, Carl Pelini, Shawn Eichorst and Tristan Gebbia are inducted into the Husker Hall of Fame at halftime of the Bethune-Cookman game.
* A Democratic Party candidate for office gets a vote in Cherry County.
* The Nebraska Legislature not only legalizes marijuana but also crack cocaine and “medicinal black tar heroin.”
* Carrot Top and Pauly Shore tie for the 2019 Best Actor Academy Award.
* Larry The Cable Guy replaces Clarence Thomas on the U.S. Supreme Court.
* A Louisville men’s basketball player quits because he didn’t get the raise he requested. A second player quits claiming Louisville failed to honor its pledge to pay “time and a half” for holiday games.
* Costa Rica lands a man on Neptune.
* A new grammar school in Elkhorn is named Steve Pederson Elementary.
* A UNO student arrives on campus after 7 a.m. and finds a place to park.
* Vice President Mike Pence resigns so he can devote the rest of his life to “finding Pokemon.”
* State Senator Ernie Chambers shows up for work wearing a jacket made of mountain lion fur.
* An Omahan learns to drive on snow.
* Northwestern gets called for holding.
* A Z-92 disc jockey goes one entire minute without reminding listeners the station is celebrating its 40th anniversary.
* An Omahan drives from West Omaha to downtown without encountering at least 17 “lane closed” signs.
* World-Herald Husker sportswriter Sam McKewon wins the gold medal in the Olympic high jump competition.
* WalletHub selects Wahoo, Neb. as one of the “Top Ten Tropical Winter Getaways.”
* Richie Incognito is named “Sportsman of the Year.”
* An illegal immigrant named Pedro Fuentes is elected mayor of Fremont in a landslide.
* There’s an enormous scandal when it’s revealed that the Sandhill cranes people have been flocking to see for years are actually fake and made of foam rubber.